Bancuri

[Raith Krace]

Hai... bagati niste bancuri ca am chef sa rad..

[A.T. Tezeu]

Eu vad ca razi si fara...

[Raith Krace]

Rad de tine... Hai sa vedem cine pune primul banc..

[Tyvokka]

Star Wars I: "The Phantom Penis".

The machines send R2-D2 back in time to kill the future father of the future leader of the future rebelion; Anakin Skywalker. Microsoft tries to assert its monopoly over Software on Naboo. Qui-John Paul Jinn II and his son Obi John Paul Kenobi II are send out to save the day but are annoyed to death by Jarjar Binks. Darth Maul commits Hari-kiri with the help of Obi John, who himself survives by eating both his ears.

[Tyvokka]

Star Wars III: "Revenge of Agent Smith".

Agents kill the whole crew of the Millenium Falcon with the help of C-3PO, who's real name turns out to be Cipher. The rebel base of Zion is in danger of being run over by Storm Troopers. Neo and Trinity hack into the Death Star and steal the plans for the base so they can send it back in time to 1983 and win Star Wars VI. Anakin Skywalker wants to be a cool hacker too and decides the best way to do this is to start wearing black and use the alias Darth Vader.

[Tyvokka]

Star Wars IV: "A New Pope".

Luke Skywalker meets R2-D2 and C-3PO on Tatooine. They hire Han Solo to fly them the fuck out of that shithole and accidentally end up killing Alderaan in a fly-by shooting. Fate brings them to the Death Star on which Obi John Paul Kenobi II dies a horrible death at the hands of Darth Vader.

[Tyvokka]

Star Wars V: "The Emperor Smokes Crack".

Our heroes go on a skiing trip to the planet Hoth where they build tents out of the local animal life. Princess Leia wants to have a threee-way with her brother Luke Skywalker and Han Solo. Luke who moves to the Dagobert system where former Ninji leader Yoda tries to teach him it's better to give up on your friends and live in a swamp. Luke decides to go after his friends anyway and loses an arm-wrestling match against his father.

[Tyvokka]

Star Wars VI: "Return of the Ninji".

Same shit, different galaxy: Luke rescues Han Solo and Leia the Slut from Jabba. He decides to retire to a small moon called Endor and start a teddy bear farm. The Emperor flies the reincarnation of the Death Star there and Luke convinces his father that people who have lightning shooting out of their fingers are not to be trusted. Luke succeeds where his father failed and rules all the galaxy.

[Raith Krace]

Esti tare man.... Tare...

[Tyvokka]

Star Wars Holiday
From Uncyclopedia

The Famed Christmas special of the Star Wars Nightmare, this episode saw each and every character breaking the forth wall by saying 'and Incidently, a merry christmas to all of you at home'. Star Wars Holiday is concidered canon by pureists but the canonicity database set up by George Lucas and Gordon Freeman, Holocorn, conciders the movie to be merely C-Cannon or sCraping the barrel- Cannon.

Star Wars Holiday is also credited for being the first Star Wars Movie to feature The Aliens(Xenomorphs) and Predators(Jinowi-Arnies) fighting against each other in an epic face off soon cloned by similar movies sutch as Judge Dredd versus Rocky and Salvador Dali versus Captain Britain. Star Wars Holiday is also credited for being the one and only time Jango Vader has appeared with a tuning fork.

[Tyvokka]

Chewy



Chewy, co-pilot and welcome-mat of the Millennium Falcon

Lover of Han Solo in the Star Wars trilogy. He is a wookie, a race of space-furries from the planet Reykjavik. Dressed only in a leather bandolier to allow easy access for when Han wants to "stroke his wookie".

[Tyvokka]

Warriors like Jango Vader use multicoloured sticks (see: Pez dispensers) to fight each other. While using their weapons, they make humming noises with their mouths, and usually the one who makes the most impressive noise wins the duel. The black guy dies in the third movie because his battlestick isn't blue like the others. Instead he has a purple one... obviously, this gives him a disadvantage: He was killed when he tried to usurp the throne of Darth Ridiculous because he forgot that purple < (red * blue^3).

[Tyvokka]

Robots in the Star Wars universe are programmed to be a total pain in the ass and are given guns and tasks such as being killed by Jedien. Despite being seemingly infinite in number, Robots can never beat Jedi, because whenever they try, they just end up being killed. There really is no compromise. In fact, the only time a Robot nearly beat a Jedi, he ran out of Preperation H but at the same time the universe ended. True story. See the equation of certain doom at an inappropriate time.

[Tyvokka]

A Jedi is a follower of Jedism, a religious faith originating from Buddhism (seekers of Enlightenment), Taoism/Daoism (seekers of Balance) and Movism (seekers of Entertainment).

[Tyvokka]

The word Jedi is derived from the ancient Punic words jedee (je-dee) meaning master and dia meaning deliberation (or debating) making Jedi the master debaters of the Carthaginian lands of Corsica. The name was given due to their great powers of persuasion, as they were often used as diplomats in times of conflict. So a Jedi was a great debater that follows the teachings of the ancient Carthaginian people. Modern Jedi however have begun to change that definition.

[Tyvokka]

Modern Jedi can be characterised by two things at the core of their beliefs, the Force and Star Wars programming. Some modern Jedi have even moved away from their traditional role of diplomat into simply being people that don't seek confrontation, moving into the roles of musicians, programmers and politicians.

[Tyvokka]

A devout Jedi gains power over others through "The Force". When a Jedi is truly powerful, he can tell people the craziest things and they'll believe them.

Such classics include:

"These aren't the droids you're looking for." - All the while the droids they are looking for are right there.

"It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes." - While the woman is surrounded by sweaty sexually aroused men.

"I did not have sexual relations with that woman." - While all evidence points otherwise.

"We're bringing peace and democracy to the Middle East" - While further damaging an already poor relation between the hostile states of the region.

[Tyvokka]

Historically Jedi are known for being peaceful, kindly stewards of justice and righteous defenders of truth; however during times of conflict they are known for their outrageous acrobatic fighting - which borders on breakdancing - lightning coming out of their fingers and being completely indestructible when facing any non-Sith opponents, unless their character is only two dimensional and lacking any real back story.

The smaller the traditional Jedi, the most powerfull he is. Master Yoda and Luke Skwalker are both tiny people and traditionnal Jedi of great power. At the opposite, there is Darth Vader who is quite tall, but sold himself to the siths.

Of late, there have also been many complaints and protests against excessive force in the Jedi police state and violations of the Geneva Conventions, as the Jedi, despite their superior abilities and indestructibility, take no prisoners in battle nor have any record of ever disabling a weaker foe by non-lethal means (for case law, see the wrongful death grievance in Mace Windu vs. the Heirs of Jango Fett, in which the court awarded each of the 1.3 billion plaintiffs $2.15 each).